as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had sex on a roof
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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