he told me I talked like a deaf person
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
