I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
