I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
