how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
