She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
