Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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