She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
