Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
