OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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