my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
