dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize