the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
