I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
