Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I still have a little drunk in my system
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
