I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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