the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
