Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Use "feeling words"
Yay
is that a dick in a sweater?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize