Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
