I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
