I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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