Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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