I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
