she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
