Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone says I win the strip club
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
