smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How's work?
Spinning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
