How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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