dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
