I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize