I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
