I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
