I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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