ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
