I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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