Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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