you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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