she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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