I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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