OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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