What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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