it's like iHOP with fire
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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