About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
