So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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