omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
