Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
