Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
