yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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