I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
