he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
