I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
