hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
