I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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