I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
