You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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