I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
