I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
MIDGETS
????
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
