hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize