Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
