Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
