Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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