Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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