So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
