so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
