Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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