I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
