do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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