his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
