How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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