I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize