i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
