please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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