he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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