I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
