So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
