Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
