My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
