im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is wine microwaveable?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
