Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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