I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
