There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You ruined the universe
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
